At some point in our connections, most of us pause and wonder: what makes a relationship truly mature? Is it the ability to handle differences calmly, the willingness to stay in hard times, or the shared laughter after years together? While these are certainly signs, we find that something deeper provides the foundation for all of them—existential meaning.
What do we mean by existential meaning?
To begin, we need a clear sense of what existential meaning is. It goes beyond goals or social expectations. Existential meaning is the personal and shared sense that what we are living matters, that it is connected to who we truly are and what we value at the deepest levels. In other words, it’s the “why” beneath our actions, our patience, and our involvement with someone else’s journey.
When we talk about existential meaning in relationships, we refer to:
- The sense of purpose that we give to the relationship.
- The deeper “reason” we choose to connect and stay connected, even during the storms.
- Shared values and visions that are woven into everyday interactions.
Without this underlying layer, connections risk becoming routine or fragile. Disagreements become threats, and boredom feels suffocating. But when meaning is present, even hard conversations serve to strengthen, not break, our bond.
Why meaning shapes maturity in relationships
The maturing of a relationship rarely follows a straight line. Arguments, moments of distance, misunderstandings—they are all part of the territory. What keeps partners from losing their way in these moments?
A relationship without meaning loses its direction when facing challenges.
We believe existential meaning is the compass. Here’s why:
- A shared sense of meaning encourages responsibility. When we feel part of something meaningful, we show up. We tend to our words, we care for emotions, and we take responsibility for how our actions affect the relationship.
- Meaning allows us to step back and see the bigger picture. Instead of drowning in a disagreement, we ask, “What are we building together?”
- It fosters patience. When the road gets rough, meaning whispers, “There’s a reason to keep working.”
From our perspective, couples and friends who share existential meaning are not just surviving together; they are actively growing alongside each other. This ongoing sense of growth is a hallmark of mature relationships.
How does meaning grow within relationships?
Many believe that meaning simply appears at the start of a relationship. In reality, it is something we build and rebuild, often through difficulty. In our experience, there are a few steps that support this process:
- Honest, ongoing conversations about values and life visions. Partners who discuss what really matters to them, what they want to bring to the world, and how they define growth are more likely to uncover shared ground.
- Reflecting on shared experiences. What moments have given us a feeling of “this is why we’re together”?
- Allowing individual meaning to coexist with shared purpose. Mature relationships support each person’s search for meaning and integrate this into a larger whole.
- Rituals and practices that connect to meaning, like celebrating milestones or supporting each other’s personal journeys.
In our daily lives, we may not always talk about “meaning” directly, yet it surfaces in our choices, tone of voice, and willingness to listen. Over time, these moments shape a richer, more mature foundation.
Obstacles to existential meaning in relationships
Despite our deepest hopes, there are real obstacles that interfere with meaning. Some of the most common are:
- Taking the relationship for granted and slipping into routine.
- Assuming that conflict means the relationship lacks value, rather than seeing it as an opportunity to reaffirm meaning.
- Pursuing external symbols (status, appearances) rather than real connection and meaning.
- Being afraid to talk honestly about fears and desires.
We’ve noticed that periods where meaning feels far away are often the moments when the relationship is nudging us to pause and realign. These are not just “bad times”; they can be invitations.
Building resilience and growth through shared meaning
Resilience and maturity grow not from avoiding pain, but from learning to move through it with honesty, care, and a sense that the struggle has purpose. Meaning transforms “problems” into “shared growth.”
Meaning does not erase pain but gives it a place in the story we are writing together.
With meaning as a guide, partners are less likely to give up at the first sign of struggle. They are more willing to stretch, to learn, and to hold each other through discomfort. This ability is what we find at the heart of mature love or friendship.
Practical ways to bring more meaning into your relationship
How can we move from ideas to everyday life? We believe in action. Here are some practical ways to do this:
- Set aside regular time to talk about dreams, not just problems.
- Share stories about what gives your life meaning and listen deeply to your partner’s.
- Create small rituals that remind you why you are together—whether it’s a nightly walk or reflecting on accomplishments, big or small.
- Apologize when you lose sight of meaning, and use those moments as signals to connect again.
- Support each other’s personal growth as well as your growth together.
When such habits are present, we see more flexibility, less reactivity, and increased satisfaction. Meaning is no longer an abstract concept—it is part of daily life.
Conclusion
Through every stage of a relationship, from the excitement of new beginnings to the comfort of long-term partnership, existential meaning acts as the anchor that holds us steady when storms arise and the wind changes direction. It is the deeper “why” that points us toward maturity, encourages responsibility, and invites us to share both our struggles and our joys.
As we nurture meaning, we nurture ourselves and the ones we choose to walk with. It’s not always easy, and there are days when meaning feels distant. Yet, we have seen, time and again, that when we return to the source of “why we are here together,” we find new reserves of love, patience, and growth. That is what maturity asks of us—not perfection, but presence, responsibility, and shared purpose.
Frequently asked questions
What is existential meaning in relationships?
Existential meaning in relationships is the shared feeling that the relationship matters on a deep level and is guided by common values, purpose, and personal significance. It goes beyond surface-level commitments or social expectations, instead connecting each person to a sense of “why” they are together.
How does meaning help couples mature?
Meaning gives couples a sense of direction and stability, especially during difficult times. It helps them view challenges as part of their shared growth, encourages responsibility, fosters deeper conversations, and promotes resilience when life gets hard. In our view, this shared purpose is what allows love and connection to become mature and lasting.
Can lack of meaning harm relationships?
Yes, a relationship without meaning can become routine, reactive, or unsatisfying. Without a sense of shared purpose, partners may struggle during conflict, feel disconnected in daily life, or question why they are together. Lack of meaning often leads to less patience and greater fragility.
How to build existential meaning together?
We suggest openly talking about values, life purposes, and dreams. Create rituals or habits that remind both of you why your relationship matters. Support each other’s growth and be honest about your individual and shared “whys.” Meaning is built by listening, sharing, and acting in ways that are true to what matters most.
Is existential meaning important for happiness?
Yes, we believe existential meaning is closely linked to happiness in relationships. When people feel their relationship has meaning, they report higher satisfaction, resilience, and joy—even during difficult seasons. Meaning gives both partners a sense of fulfillment and a deeper bond.
